Stupidity
by mimma
Summary: It was never quite believed that the 11th were smart. This was because they weren't. Crackfic.


**Stupidity **

**a/n:** because I think it says a lot about what can happen to a division when one of it's members wakes up screaming and begging not to be hurt anymore. Also because all my angst is gone into 'Lifeless' right now.

This behavior was quite frankly bloody _pissing the 11th division off._

On one hand, there was the 4th division swanning around like they knew some big secret that every single other division didn't. Those little weaklings were actually _walking straight past_ _11th division members in the hallways_. No cringing or _anything_! There _had_ to be something going on. Every time any one tried to teach the 4th division a lesson, they would simply very calmly take down their 'teacher's' name and rank, and run away as soon as possible. The grapevine said that they'd accumulated about 99.2 of the 11th division names and speculation said they were just waiting for the top seated officers and that the one who collected either Zaraki Kenpachi or Yachiru would get bruise ointment free for a year. Even more ridiculous, the other divisions were completely staying away from them. How the _fuck _were the 4th supposed to learn their place if only the 11th were working at them!

And then there was the matter of the way every time one of them went to the 4th, they were mysteriously full up.

_No, I'm sorry, Mr. guy-who-beat-me-and-my-17th-seat-superior-up-last-month-in-the-courtyard, there are unfortunately far more life-threatening injuries that we must tend to, like the food poisoning in the 6th division. No, we can't bump one of them off, vice-captain Abarai requested it and has informed us that anyone else at all from the 11th division whom he finds being treated will be turned into his official bitch/Bankai practice dummy/Zabimaru's chew toy for a year. Yes, I'm afraid that he has already obtained the support of Kusajishi-fukutaichou in this matter. Yes, they signed in blood and got Zaraki-taichou to witness it. My immense apologies, but you will have to find someplace else to stitch up your 10cm cut and replace the 1.3litres of blood you have lost. Thank you._

And another time,

_No, we are very sorry, but I am afraid that no one from the 11th division is allowed into the wards at this moment in time. Yes, I'm certain that there is absolutely no space to be had whatsoever. Why, certainly, you may 'kick the ass of the fucking bastard asshole' who has commandeered all the beds. Captain Soi Fong is right behind you._

And again,

_I must express my most heartfelt condolences, men-who-cornered-six-4th-division-girls-while-drunk-last-week. There is, unfortunately, no such thing as hollow repellent, apart from kidoh, which I gather none of you have learned. I am also afraid that you may not stay in Soul Society while you are covered in hollow bait. Kurotsuchi-taichou and –fukutaichou have requested that you **not** be allowed to take your Soul Cutters, as you will make essential research subjects. The Center 46 has approved. I must again apologize for the unusual shortage of the usual cleansers for this, and oh, here is your escort to the borders. Hello, Jidanbou-san._

And then _again,_

_I once again beg your pardon, all-but-one-of-the-men-who-defaced-the-4th-division-gate-last-night, but a mere case of lead poisoning and lockjaw, gangrene and a rusty nail stuck in your foot does **not** qualify you for inspection, you should have applied for a tetanus shot last century. Why, **yes**, it **is** the law in seireitei. Several vice-captains are here today, and if you wish to clarify with either Ise-fukutaichou or Hinamori-fukutaichou, they are both sitting in that room over there._

…_yes, I should have informed you that they were in the company of Hitsugaya-taichou and Kyouraku-taichou before you rushed in there, slammed Ise-fukutaichou on to the wall and hoisted Hinamori-fukutaichou up in the air by her collar. I am certain that you will eventually find somewhere to reattach your arms, although I am afraid the frostbite is a lost cause. On the bright side, your friend has apparently discovered cryogenics. Please remember to apply for your shots next century. _

The 11th division didn't _fucking_ understand it.

The rest of the Gotei-13 didn't understand why the 11th were so _dumb_.

-end-


End file.
